Before having parted from Lucius, they had gathered very valuable information from the Death Eater. After his lovely sex with Alecto, he was willing to reveal many secrets. For instance:
    1. The Death Eaters had invaded Hogwarts because they had heard that Aslan, the great Talking Lion from across the sea, was on the move.
    2. Voldemort was having an affair with a woman known as the White Witch.
    3. There was an unnamed traitor among them who had helped the Death Eaters into the school.
    For a few minutes into their journey, the girls bickered among themselves, wondering who the traitor was. Before they got too far, however, a giant, talking beaver approached them from a hidden corridor.
    “Thank goodness I’ve found you, children! We must get to the Room of Requirement to meat Aslan!” said the beaver.
    Violette, who was clinging to the emopantz she had found, Ebony Darkness Darkington etc. etc., said, “Who the fuck is Aslan? And has anyone noticed the giant furry thing talking to us?”
    Hermione replied, “That would be a beaver. The beaver is a mammal that can often be found in areas with a sufficient amount of wat--
    “Will you shut up?” said Laocoons. “No one asked for a lecture.” Hermione got all sulky.
    “Are you an animagus?” asked the blob of balogna that was Moonlight.
    “An ani-what?” replied the Beaver. “I’m a beaver. You may call me Mr. Beaver. And we must move quickly! To the Room of Requirement, Daughters of Eve and Daughter of Squid!”
    “But Mr. Beaver,” said Lepusia, “the Room of Requirement is very far away! Shan’t we be attacked by Death Eaters on the way there?”
    “Worry not, young Jedi, for we shall take…,” the beaver paused and whistled, summoning a giant cat, and said, “MONORAIL CAT!”
    The giant cat opened it’s mouth into which everyone jumped. With a massive NOM, the monorail cat took off at full speed towards the Room of Requirement.
    When they arrived at the Room of Requirement, it was to find that it had become a great forest with a random lamp post in the middle of it.
    “What is this foolery?” asked Alecto.
    Just then, two of their friends who had arrived previously walked out from behind trees. The girls’ names were Stargem and Cookies. You see, people in this magical world had no sense about naming their children. Seriously.
    “Aslan is waiting for you!” said Stargem.
    “We must fight Voldemort! It is Aslan’s will, it is,” added Cookies.
    “Double-you the Tea Eff is an Aslan?” asked  Violette.
    “You will soon know, Earth-Child,” said Mr. Beaver, pointing to the skyish ceiling of the Room of Requirement.
    All the girls and the squid looked to where the beaver had pointed. In the sky, they saw a tear where a cat’s head was popping out. Both the hole and the cat’s head appeared to grow larger every second. Suddenly, with a great leap, the cat jumped out of it’s hole, shook it’s head, and spouted a large mane around it’s neck, transforming itself into a lion.
    “ASLAAAAAAAN!” Violette screamed and abandoned the Mary-Sue she had been clinging to, who momentarily began cutting herself again, to pounce the lion. “You and Ceiling Cat are the same?”
    “Indeed, Daughter of Eve! I am the Ceiling Cat Aslan! Now! Which among you is the traitor?” asked the lion. The blob of bologna known as Moonlight raised her bologna-y hand and approached the lion.
    “I did, Ceiling Cat. The Death Eaters promised me sex if I got them into the school.”
    “Ah, well,” said the lion, “come to my breast and let me taste your meaty goodness and all shall be forgiven.”
    Moonlight clung to the lion’s liony breast. Aslan the Ceiling Cat licked her bologna-y body, and she returned to her natural form.
    “I’m not bologna anymore!” exclaimed Moonlight.
    “Indeed,” replied Aslan, “but there are matters of great importance at hand. As you know, Voldemort is in Hogwarts castle. Not only is he here, but a great evil known as the White Witch has come to your world, too. You must destroy both Voldemort and the White Witch.”
    “But how can we destroy them, Aslan? We’re not Harry Potter!” said Angry M.
    “But I am!” said a disembodied voice. Everyone looked around, wondering who had proclaimed himself to be Harry Potter. Out of a tree jumped Harry Potter, who was dressed in drag. “You can call me Harrietta Potter!” Harry… or Harrietta, we should say, stood in front of everyone in a long, silky golden dress with the Gryffindor lion on the bosom. His hair had been magicked to be long and flowey, but he had tied it back into an elegant knot. He wore bright, hooker red lipstick, excessive blue eyeshadow, and an unflattering shade of blush.  “I have come… TO SAVE THE DAY.”
    Words had failed everyone at the sight of… Harrietta, and for a great while, everyone just stared. Finally, OhGod spoke. “Um… this fic… isn’t it supposed to be pr0ntastic blob? Is there going to be any pr0n soon?”
    “… No,” said Aslan. “The author is too damn lazy to look at the ship list. Be glad she gave you this much.”
    “Well, are we going to have any more adventures in this chapter?” asked Stargem.
    “No.” replied the lion.
    “But we want more advent--” started Moonlight before she was cut off by Aslan.
    “Now shut up or I’ll send you all to Basement Cat. IT’S OVER. … For noooooow.”